We Evolve, But Do We Truly Change? Insights on Personal Growth
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Chapter 1: The Illusion of Change
Recently, I found myself contemplating the notion that I haven't really changed. During a mid-life crisis, it dawned on me: I am fundamentally the same person. Despite two decades of adulthood, my core self remains unchanged. I don’t just mean in trivial ways; I’m talking about the essence of who I am.
My routines, dietary preferences, and even my frustrations have persisted. I still grapple with misspelling words like "occasion" and "occurred." I engage in the same activities, hold on to the same dreams, and maintain a hopeful outlook about what lies ahead.
The first video titled Why We Don't Change Our Minds When We Get Older delves into the psychology behind our resistance to change as we age, exploring the reasons why our core beliefs often remain steadfast.
I have a family now, yet I still yearn for solitary time. When I find that solitude, I resort to the same pastimes I enjoyed when I was single: binge-watching TV, indulging in junk food, and playing video games. Although I might aspire to learn a new craft, travel, or try different culinary experiments, I often don’t follow through.
Do we truly evolve? My fundamental habits have stayed intact, though some have matured over time. For example, instead of devouring an entire pizza, I might now share a few slices with a friend and enjoy a smaller serving of my long-standing favorite ice cream—chocolate chip cookie dough, which I avoid buying to prevent overindulgence. My movie preferences have shifted slightly towards more sophisticated genres, and my gaming habits have changed mainly in terms of the time I allocate to them, which has dwindled.
Section 1.1: Patterns of Stagnation
My reading habits remain largely the same, favoring good literature and esoteric non-fiction. I find myself starting new hobbies only to abandon them after a few attempts, taking longer breaks in between. For instance, I might explore drawing, learn a new technique, and then not pick up a pencil for months or even years. The intervals between my drawing sessions have lengthened, yet my skill level hasn’t significantly improved.
Similarly, in chess, I’ve transitioned from bullet to blitz formats and now consider moving to rapid games. Despite my efforts, my ranking has dropped significantly, which might qualify as a form of change—albeit a negative one.
Subsection 1.1.1: Learning Styles and Challenges
My grammar mistakes persist because I resist learning from them. Recently, I realized I’m primarily a visual-spatial learner, which might contribute to my stagnation. It’s challenging to grow if you continue to approach learning in a way that doesn’t suit you. Previously, I relied on sheer willpower, hoping to understand concepts instantly without committing them to memory.
While I’ve matured in various aspects of my life, my core values and habits remain unchanged. I observe this in others as well. My wife is largely the same person I met years ago, with only a few detrimental habits diminished. My brothers continue their routines, and friends from the past remain fundamentally unchanged.
Section 1.2: The Weight of Constancy
Most of us look similar to how we did years ago, perhaps having gained a few pounds, but overall, our body compositions and weights have remained stable. While that’s not universally applicable, it seems to be the norm among those I know.
The only significant changes I’ve noticed are in those I’ve known since childhood, who have shifted away from childlike interests. When meeting adults, however, I often find they are very much the same as when I first encountered them. I could easily predict their future selves based on their current traits and habits.
Chapter 2: The Complexity of Self-Improvement
The second video, 4 Signs You Are Still Not a MATURE PERSON, provides insights into maturity and self-awareness, helping viewers identify areas for personal growth.
Acknowledging that change is difficult can be frustrating, especially when we see little evidence of it in ourselves. Self-improvement aims to transform us into the individuals we aspire to be, but that vision is often clouded by our current understanding of who we are.
"I want to get fit!" you might say. But what about making a conscious effort to avoid overeating pizza?
"I want to be a writer!" Fantastic! How about committing to publishing on Medium for more than just a month?
"I want to be wealthy!" That’s commendable! But first, how about focusing on your performance at work?
Change can feel elusive, especially when it seems that so little has shifted. It’s easy to confuse the changes in external circumstances—like attending different classes—with true personal growth.
As I reflect on the prospect of facing the same self-identity challenges two decades from now, I strive to find answers that will help me change the course of my life.