Chapter 1: The Mechanism of Hoovering

Narcissists often resort to "hoovering" when they find themselves lacking emotional supply. Much like an addict reaching for a substitute when their primary source is depleted, a narcissist will seek you out when their needs are not met elsewhere. You become their "supply"—the source that feeds their inflated self-image.

Their emotional detachment means they can't form genuine connections, treating relationships as mere means to an end. This is why we refer to their needs as "supply." When you leave them, it’s akin to an addict experiencing withdrawal, leading to outbursts of desperation.

Section 1.1: The Nature of Supply

A narcissist thrives on admiration and validation, perceiving these as essential to their identity. When you withdraw your support, they may feel as if their entire existence is threatened.

Their emotional high is derived from three main sources: your admiration, your self-doubt, and your willingness to sacrifice for them. This leads to the hoovering phenomenon occurring primarily under two circumstances: when they notice you thriving or when they find themselves devoid of other sources of validation.

Subsection 1.1.1: The Cycle of Hoovering

When a narcissist attempts to reconnect, it often results in further emotional turmoil. They may approach with the intent to inflict more pain or simply because you no longer excite them as you once did.

Their emotional immaturity drives them to seek new sources of stimulation, and they might become resentful towards you for not providing the "high" they once experienced.

Section 1.2: The Emotional Black Hole

A narcissist's inability to self-regulate their emotions leads them to rely heavily on others. If you no longer serve a purpose in their emotional ecosystem, they may perceive you as worthless.

In their minds, your absence of supply necessitates punishment, and they lack the capacity to empathize or understand your pain. Their perception is one-dimensional, where they project their insecurities onto you, manifesting as blame for their own shortcomings.

Chapter 2: The Consequences of Emotional Entanglement

The first video titled "The Real Reason a Narcissist Comes Back and Starts to Hoover You After Going No Contact" explores the underlying motivations behind a narcissist's return after a period of silence. This video delves into the psychological mechanisms at play.

The second video, "STOP the narcissist from HOOVERING you," provides strategies to effectively resist narcissistic manipulation and reclaim your emotional independence.

Narcissists often engage in relationships with others like themselves, reinforcing their distorted worldview. They may treat fellow narcissists with more respect than they do those they perceive as "normal," as they fear the authenticity of feelings expressed by others.

The shame and rage they harbor are potent forces, stemming from their unresolved traumas and past experiences. If you remain entwined with a narcissist for too long, you risk being pulled into their chaotic emotional landscape.

They have been fleeing from their inner demons since childhood, desperately seeking solace in the validation of others.

To learn more about these complex dynamics, consider exploring my memoir, "This is a Story About Ghosts: A Memoir of Borderline Personality Disorder," available on Amazon.