What the Research Reveals

The study aimed to determine whether infidelity in a previous relationship increases the likelihood of cheating again in a subsequent one. Researchers surveyed 484 adults, gathering insights about their sexual behaviors, including instances of cheating and their awareness or suspicions regarding their partner’s infidelity.

The striking finding was this: individuals who admitted to cheating in a prior relationship were three times more likely to cheat again in their next relationship compared to those who did not cheat.

The conclusion is quite clear: once a cheater, always a cheater. Based on this research, experts would argue that your unfaithful ex does not merit another opportunity.

You Can't Change Others

Modern relationships often perpetuate the notion that one should compromise everything for love, pushing you to make a relationship work—even if it entails altering the person you care for. However, wanting to change someone is not romantic; it’s fundamentally flawed.

Consider how you would feel if your partner sought to change you. Most likely, you'd want out of that situation swiftly. So why would you wish to change your partner?

The reality is, changing oneself is already a challenging endeavor. If you struggle to improve your habits, how can you expect to transform someone else?

By offering a second chance, you may be subconsciously hoping to reshape your partner into someone who doesn’t cheat. However, that idealized version of them may not exist, setting you up for disappointment.

The truth is, while people can change, you shouldn't assume that they will do so for you. You can only commit to who they are at present, not who you hope they will become. If that’s a dealbreaker for you, perhaps you’ve fallen for an illusion rather than reality.

It’s Not About You

Experiencing betrayal can lead to self-blame, thinking, "If only I had texted more," or "If I were more attractive." However, the research reveals a critical insight: it’s not your fault.

The study indicates that the likelihood of cheating lies more with the cheater than with their partner. Even if they were with the most wonderful person, their propensity to cheat remains high.

Cheating is a reflection of the individual's character, not an indictment of you. Instead of feeling guilty or ruminating over what you could have changed, redirect that energy towards healing and moving forward.

Establishing Boundaries

I recently came across a poignant story about a girl who gave her cheating boyfriend a second chance, only to have him betray her again. When she asked why he continued to cheat, he simply said, "Because I knew you wouldn’t do anything about it."

This narrative hit hard because, while he was wrong for cheating, his logic was sound. People will treat you according to the boundaries you set. If you tolerate infidelity, they may feel no need to change.

You must take responsibility for your boundaries. Although it’s not your fault that your partner cheated, it is your responsibility to understand what you will and won’t accept. Standing firm on these boundaries is crucial when they are crossed.

While it may be tempting to bend the rules for those you love, doing so can lead to losing sight of your own values.

What You Can Do

When faced with a partner inclined to cheat, it’s essential to shift focus from preventing infidelity to nurturing a healthy relationship. Here are some fundamental steps often overlooked:

1. Define Clear Expectations: Although it may seem mundane, discussing what constitutes cheating for both of you is vital. This could encompass physical cheating, emotional connections, or even sexting. Don’t assume mutual understanding.
2. Communicate Openly: Infidelity often stems from unresolved issues in the relationship. No one cheats when things are going smoothly. Addressing problems head-on can prevent them from escalating.
3. Clarify Your Needs: Before committing to another person, ensure you know what you truly want from a relationship. Consider your desired lifestyle, routines, and values.

While implementing these strategies may be challenging, they are essential for a thriving relationship.