The Birth Story

I spent three days in the hospital before my son was born due to a minor amniotic fluid leak. With the due date still two weeks away, my husband and I, along with our families, were understandably anxious. However, we were unprepared for the prolonged ordeal of labor induction and the challenges of achieving a natural delivery.

During this arduous process, my pulse and blood pressure dropped to dangerously low levels, causing concern among the medical staff. Ultimately, they advised a C-section to avoid further risks. My husband was there throughout the procedure, visibly moved by the reality of how a woman's body is opened to bring forth life.

When we finally saw our son’s cherubic face and heard his first cries, all the struggles faded away, and we embraced this new life wholeheartedly. In my poem, I reflect on these pivotal events and the immense love and support we received from our families during this challenging time.

A Mother Is Born (Matrescence)

My mother-in-law once told me that every mother is reborn when her child is born. Her words struck a chord within me, instilling a sense of empowerment and a newfound purpose in life. This was my second birth — a chance to experience every moment of my child's early steps into the world.

Little did she know that her insight was supported by science!

The Meaning of Matrescence

Matrescence describes the transition to motherhood, encompassing the myriad physical, emotional, and psychological changes a woman experiences during pregnancy, childbirth, and the postpartum period. Similar to adolescence, this transition represents a significant life shift, marked by identity changes and the emergence of maternal instincts and responsibilities.

The term was introduced in the 1970s by anthropologist Dana Raphael. A recent study published in Cell summarized that:

“The maternal brain undergoes notable structural and functional neuroplasticity, alongside cognitive adaptations during the peripartum period, which are enduring and persist throughout one’s life.”

The postpartum phase introduces new challenges that amplify responsibilities, increasing cognitive demands on new mothers. This cognitive load evolves with the child’s growing needs, suggesting that exposure to a more complex environment during motherhood may enhance cognitive reserve in later life.

I also came across an article offering insightful perspectives on this concept:

> “Just as adolescence marks a child's transition to adulthood, matrescence signifies a woman's evolution into motherhood.” > > “Both adolescence and matrescence are periods influenced by steroid hormones and characterized by neuroplasticity and mental vulnerability.” > > “While both experiences involve change and adaptation, individual experiences can vary significantly.”

The Evolution of Matrescence: How Motherhood Shapes a Woman’s Brain

Motherhood brings about profound transformations in a woman’s brain — a phenomenon often referred to as 'Mommy Brain.' Here are four notable changes:

1. Synaptic Pruning

   According to research by Dr. Hoekzema, a mother's brain undergoes 'synaptic pruning,' eliminating certain neural connections to foster new ones. This process may enhance focus on caregiving behaviors. Although it may seem like a loss, these changes can be beneficial for adapting to the demands of parenthood.

2. Neuroplasticity

   Studies reveal that during motherhood, a unique form of neuroplasticity occurs. This dynamic change in the brain supports fundamental behavioral adaptations, guiding women from self-focused lives to nurturing another being.

3. Experience-dependent Plasticity

   As mothers interact with their infants, they acquire new knowledge and skills tailored to their child's needs, suggesting that maternal brains continue to evolve even after childbirth.

4. Permanent Imprints on the Mother’s Brain

   Research indicates that a woman's first pregnancy significantly alters her brain. Dr. Susanna Carmona Cabañete states, “The brain changes during this critical period are so significant that pregnancy is now regarded as a time of peak brain plasticity in adulthood.” These alterations leave lasting impressions, suggesting that the experience of motherhood forever shapes a woman's brain.

Finding Your Identity After Becoming A Mother

A study highlighted three key observations regarding women's identities post-motherhood:

1. Loss and Reforming of Identities

   Many women initially lose their sense of self while integrating their children into their identities and subsequently reforming them.

2. Expansion of Self-Boundary

   The second theme discusses how women expand their self-concept to encompass their children, making them an integral part of their identity.

3. Intensified Personality and Identity

   The final theme reflects how motherhood and close relationships with children enhance women’s personalities and identities.

These points resonate deeply with me:

> “If you are a mother, you may relate to these sentiments. At times, I find myself grappling with the feeling that my true self has been somewhat lost in the role of motherhood.” > > “I strongly feel that our identities expand to include our children, who become entwined with who we are.” > > “I wholeheartedly agree that motherhood has intensified my personality and identity in profound ways.”

I recognize these transformations within myself and have grown in numerous, sometimes unquantifiable, ways.

Career or Stay-At-Home! Is There A Middle-ground?

Many mothers wrestle with this dilemma after childbirth. While some find the choice straightforward, others face significant struggles. I have witnessed two remarkable women in my life — my mother and my mother-in-law — who made vastly different decisions.

My mother chose to continue her career, while my mother-in-law opted to be a stay-at-home mom. Both made sacrifices to provide the best for their children.

When it came time for me to decide, I knew I wanted to stay home with my baby. After 12 years of a fulfilling career in IT, I left my job to be with my child. The experience has been a true blessing, one I wouldn’t trade for anything.

However, it has not been without its challenges. After three years at home, I began to question whether leaving my career at its peak was wise. Unsure about returning to full-time work, I returned to my passion for writing. I’ve authored several children’s books and have been publishing on Medium.

Five years have passed since I left my corporate job. Though I am still working toward my goals as an author and writer, I remain optimistic about the journey ahead.

While opportunities to re-enter the corporate world may arise, my heart remains focused on being present for my child's growth and development. I wish to experience these moments as fully as possible.

I aspire to achieve a balance as a career-oriented stay-at-home mom, a middle ground that may offer modest financial rewards but immense value in the time spent with my child.

Conclusions

Birth stories hold a special place in my heart. I cherish hearing them from friends and family, as they often evoke memories of my own experiences or those shared by my parents.

These stories remind us of the challenges faced by new mothers and the choices between career and family life. If you are a mother, I admire your dedication and selfless love for your children. And to fathers, your support and nurturing are equally invaluable.

You and your children are truly precious!

I hope you found joy in my story. Thank you for taking the time to read it.

For those interested in my poem, here’s the text version. You might also enjoy this piece about my reading journey with my son:

Neuroscience Behind Why I Read 1000 Books With My Son Before He Turned 5

Get inspired and implement the Read-Aloud strategies to revolutionize your child’s future.

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