# Navigating the Healing Journey from Narcissistic Abuse
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Chapter 1: My Healing Journey
This narrative is crafted to help others avoid the pitfalls I encountered on my path to recovery. Looking back, I realize how much time I squandered, which is a regret that lingers as I reflect on my journey. Time is fleeting, and as we age, the moments lost to inaction become painfully apparent. My healing process was complicated by my circle of friends, many of whom also grappled with unfulfilled lives and emotional instability in their relationships.
Some might say that I began my recovery work relatively late, at 42 years old (I’m now 45, and significant changes occurred around 44). However, I often think that had I been more open to self-exploration earlier, I might have started this transformative journey much sooner. I was so consumed with completing my doctoral studies, managing a job, and raising my child as a single parent that self-care was a luxury I rarely indulged in. The stress of my daily responsibilities overshadowed my need for personal development.
It wasn't until the onset of the Covid-19 pandemic, which triggered a delusional episode in my mother, that I unearthed buried memories from my childhood. To cope with my upbringing, I had repressed many experiences that now seemed integral to my understanding of myself. I had been unaware of my parents' narcissistic traits until 2020, having accepted this as the norm. The truth is, we often don't realize what we don't know until we see it clearly.
A recurring theme in my life was the attraction to partners displaying similar toxic traits, even though they came in different forms. As a trained professional in Conflict Analysis and Resolution, I instinctively recognized patterns in my relationships. This led me to understand that I needed therapy and healing, as I was the common factor in these repeated dynamics. Once I made this commitment, I was all in.
Here's a breakdown of what worked for me and what didn’t, so you can avoid the same missteps:
Traditional Therapies:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
From 2007 to 2012, I engaged in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) with a friend who is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW). I can confidently say that CBT laid the groundwork for my transformation. It teaches vital thinking skills and fosters self-awareness. While I didn't pay for these sessions, the insights I gained were invaluable. Understanding my thoughts enabled me to better understand the behavior of those around me.
Individuals recovering from narcissistic abuse often find they must relearn how to think. Many have internalized toxic traits due to prolonged exposure to narcissistic environments. I’ve yet to meet anyone who emerged from such backgrounds unscathed. It’s crucial to acknowledge and address our own unhealthy traits to move forward. Although I found CBT helpful for introspection, it fell short of addressing my core issues and did not alter my unhealthy relationship patterns, leading me to bond with a narcissistic partner and have children with him in 2015.
Neurofeedback
Neurofeedback emerged as an effective shortcut in my healing process. It enhanced my academic performance and everyday functioning. This therapy allowed me to recognize and halt destructive behaviors before they spiraled out of control. By embracing opposing behaviors, I began to experience different outcomes. After two years of neurofeedback sessions from 2007 to 2009, I returned to it recently, even investing in my own system. The calming effect was immediate, leading to increased emotional balance. Neurofeedback is particularly beneficial for conditions such as ADHD, anxiety, and PTSD. While it shouldn’t replace trauma therapy, it plays a significant role when used alongside it.
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR)
I believe EMDR therapy was a pivotal element in launching my healing journey. The effectiveness of EMDR, however, largely depends on the therapist's skill. Many people struggle to recall buried memories, but this isn’t always necessary for healing. Our brains process recent and distant memories similarly; the emotional response remains consistent regardless of the timeline. An adept therapist will help address subconscious beliefs tied to past traumas, allowing for the replacement of negative thoughts with positive affirmations. For me, this modality was transformative, lifting the fog that clouded my perception and revealing the toxic friendships I had maintained.
Brainspotting
Brainspotting is often paired with EMDR therapy, enhancing its effectiveness in processing traumatic memories. Though I can’t speak to its standalone benefits, its combination with EMDR is notably impactful. There are also other similar therapies, like Deep Brain Reorienting (DBR), that might prove useful. The key is to select a trauma therapy that resonates with you, as healing does not have to be a lengthy process—it can happen in months.
Alternative Modalities:
Somatic Breathwork
Somatic Breathwork is a powerful yet accessible healing method that doesn’t require a belief in spiritual concepts. My initial experience with breathwork came late in my recovery, but I was impressed by its ability to release trapped emotions. During my first session, I experienced anxiety that needed to surface, but the following day brought a sense of relief and clarity. Breathwork can lead to profound realizations, including memories that need to be processed.
Energy Healing
Having undergone numerous energy healing sessions over 1.5 years, I found this modality to be beneficial, despite its "woo-woo" reputation. Combining breathwork with energy healing has proven particularly effective. When you begin to feel different, your actions and the energy you attract also shift. This transformation can foster a protective attitude toward your newfound happiness, prompting you to distance yourself from negativity.
Compassion Key
Through my certification in the Compassion Key modality, I learned the importance of self-compassion in fostering self-love. I still participate in sessions with my accountability partner, and our focus has evolved from past traumas to present aspirations. This shift illustrates how far we’ve come in just a year.
Family Constellation
I’ve attended a handful of family constellation sessions, and they facilitated meaningful healing. This method helps to reframe familial histories and conflicts, recognizing that narcissism often runs in families. Understanding this context fosters compassion for our parents, who may also be victims of their circumstances.
Life Coaching
After a year with a life coach, I became certified in this field myself. Our monthly sessions emphasized practical changes to elevate my emotional state and establish boundaries with toxic individuals. A good coach provides guidance and accountability, helping you navigate toward a more fulfilling life.
Floatation Therapy
Floatation therapy, while not for everyone, has become a vital part of my self-care routine. The sensory deprivation tank allows deep meditation, promoting relaxation and clarity. This therapy is known to assist with various mental health issues, and I always look forward to my float sessions.
As you consider your own healing journey, you may wonder why so many modalities are necessary. While I found an array of therapies beneficial, this was partly due to navigating my recovery without guidance. I lacked role models who had done inner work or achieved emotional health. Many friends remained trapped in toxic cycles, which only reinforced my resolve to pursue a different path.
The beauty of recovery lies in self-fulfillment. When you nurture yourself, the urgency to seek romantic relationships diminishes. You’ll be able to approach potential partners with greater discernment, moving slowly and wisely.
If you’re ready to embark on your healing journey from narcissistic abuse, prioritize trauma therapy. Look for therapists skilled in both EMDR and Neurofeedback for a more expedited healing process. Explore various alternative modalities, choose the ones that resonate with you, and integrate them into your self-care routine. Your well-being is worth every effort!
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