The Three Pillars of Attraction

1. Libido

   23. 8. Auden once referred to the sex drive as “an intolerable neural itch.” This powerful instinct, rooted in the biological need for reproduction, seeks fulfillment through immediate sexual encounters. It is closely linked to hormones like estrogen and testosterone, contributing significantly to the non-platonic aspects of attraction.

2. Attraction

   While sexual desire plays a role, attraction encompasses more. This feeling manifests as an intense focus on another person, along with a surge of energy. Signs of attraction can include persistent thoughts about them, an insatiable longing, and a sense of exhilaration. As dopamine floods the hypothalamus, it heightens your attention and motivation, creating a euphoric effect similar to a drug.

When we encounter someone we are attracted to, norepinephrine activates the brain's reward centers, enhancing our emotional response. Neuroimaging studies reveal that individuals in love show significant activation in areas like the ventral tegmental area, linked to pleasure and reward. Meanwhile, lower serotonin levels can lead to a loss of rationality, fueling a state of euphoria, hyperactivity, and intense desire.

3. Attachment

   Although it may seem counterintuitive from an evolutionary perspective, attachment serves an important purpose. These emotions ensure caregiving for offspring after reproduction, but they also amplify the pain of loss. This bond is facilitated by hormones like oxytocin in women and vasopressin in men.

The Reality of Love

The notion of having a single true love may be more myth than fact. Studies by Jeffrey Black from Cambridge University suggest that humans, like many species, can experience love for more than one person simultaneously. His research on various bird species revealed that many engage in non-exclusive relationships while forming strong pair bonds for parenting.

Navigating the Friend Zone

Ah, the friend zone—a challenging place to find oneself. Within this dynamic, feelings of attachment may exist without the spark of attraction or lust. Here, oxytocin predominates, fostering social bonds rather than romantic inclinations.

The Dark Side of Love

While love can bring joy, it can also lead to darker outcomes such as infidelity and abuse. The same dopamine that fuels attraction can also drive addiction, leading to harmful behaviors like jealousy and substance abuse. When the balance of these chemicals tilts too far, it can result in severe consequences. Moderation is crucial in all aspects of love.

In Conclusion

Although there isn’t a definitive formula for love, understanding its three essential components—libido, attraction, and attachment—can enrich our experiences. Recognizing both the positive and negative aspects can help us navigate relationships more effectively.

It's worth noting that love should not be viewed as a cure-all; rather, it can enhance our happiness.

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Bibliography: Lust and attraction, Love hurts

Shout Out: Niall O'Connell, Ammar Hassan, Anthony Boyd, Erwin C, Jessa Justice, Jaydeep, Michelle Fevola, Sourin Rao, Daniel Burns, C.A. Martinez