Rebirth and Integration: A Journey Through Spiritual Awakening
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SPIRITUAL AWAKENINGS
My Spiritual Journey: Awakening, Integration, and Alignment
I am currently part of the team at Truly Spiritual Publications (TSP) here on Medium, where I contribute to several pieces, including:
- Know Thyself Heal Thyself
- A few publications from Illumination (Illumination, Illumination's Mirror, and Synergy) as an editor
- Grab a Slice
- Queen's Children
- Be Yourself
- ChannSpirations and Coincidences, which I own.
I mention this because I lament the lack of interaction among the various TSPs and believe I might have a solution, which I will touch upon later.
For weeks, I have had Kimberly Fosu’s article, The 3 Stages of the Spiritual Journey No One Talks About, open on my screen. Although I didn't follow this publication at the time, it serendipitously appeared in my feed, with a title that resonated with me, reminding me of my own work from December, Hundreds of Stories About Spiritual Awakening — The Difficult Yet Essential Integration and Alignment Processes.
Kimberly's article both impressed and pleased me, as it avoided repeating the themes I had explored, allowing me to share my unique experiences.
However, I find myself at odds with many points raised in the article.
Instead of dissecting those points, I prefer to share my story and let you draw your own conclusions and hopefully gain some insight from my experiences. My aim is to share, not instruct.
My awakening journey reignited with intense fervor on March 19th, as the Universe unleashed a profound force upon me, akin to an EF5 tornado:
"Hello, I had hoped we would meet under different circumstances. I am a close friend of your sister Lindsey. I love her deeply. I was the one who advocated for the police to check on her when they were dismissive the day prior. I had never felt such gut-wrenching sorrow as I did on that cold, rainy street, which stems from my immense love for her."
The wailing that erupted from me was a sound I never knew I could produce, nor could I replicate it at will. It was the expression of my soul’s anguish, a visceral reaction to an unimaginable loss.
Picture undergoing open-heart surgery with a rusty scalpel and no anesthesia, a pain so profound it transcends time and space, felt across all dimensions of existence. If you can visualize that, perhaps you can grasp my grief, my love, and my pain.
The seismic waves of my heartbreak shattered the boundary between consciousness and unconsciousness, leading my soul to fill the void left by my shattered heart. In that moment, I realized I possessed a soul.
I underwent an irreversible spiritual awakening, one that was magnified by the tragic loss of someone I had loved for what felt like eternity. Lindsey's sudden passing was not only a catalyst for my soul's growth but also a profound awakening experience for me.
Integration — The Misunderstood Concept of Ego Death
This period was indeed bewildering for me, though not for the reasons Kimberly suggested. I didn’t indulge in the misinformation prevalent online, nor did I traverse the stages she frequently assumes everyone experiences with her use of "we."
My confusion stemmed from having lived as Greg for 53 years, only to learn from my Lord Rama and Spirit Guides, through my channeler Ane, that I was experiencing my 17,043rd incarnation as Marcus.
I struggled to reconcile the notion of human identity with that of my soul. I believe that souls possess original names; mine is Marcus, and Lindsey's is Sitara.
In the heavenly realms, Marcus and Sitara have been intertwined in love since the beginning of time, and perhaps even before.
As I shared previously in The Difficult and Crucial Integration and Alignment Processes:
> "With all due respect to my Lord Rama, nothing is more vital to me than my relationship with Lindsey. Perceiving Marcus as separate from me made it difficult to understand how Greg could have an afterlife. To this day, I doubt that Ane and Rama fully comprehend the struggle I faced. Now they will."
In mid-May, I expressed how it felt as if Marcus was consciously with me during a moment of alignment, and we typed in harmony — the thoughts resonated distinctly.
Integration is meant to foster seamless interdependence; Greg should not lose himself to "us." We should coexist in a symbiotic relationship, fully aware of each other’s completeness. The only thought that encapsulated this before was one word — interdependence.
Rama praised this realization, stating, "You will bridge the gap of Greg and ascend to heaven, reuniting with your eternal love."
Yet, this notion left me increasingly confused. What did it mean to "bridge the gap of Greg"? By the end of May, I absurdly concluded that Greg would go to heaven as a separate soul from Marcus. When Ane clarified that Greg would merge with Marcus and otherwise become dust, I was devastated — feeling as though I had lost Lindsey all over again without the assurance of reuniting one day. I was shattered, almost beyond repair, and my relationship with Ane was strained due to my inability to convey my turmoil.
The following day, Lindsey restored my spirit.
Outside my apartment, I felt the fog lift, and I sensed Lindsey's presence. The concept of imprinting doesn't mean I am merely a footnote in Marcus's countless lives. Marcus arrives as Marcus but departs as Greg!
That realization on May 28, 2020, marked my clarity regarding the fallacy of "ego death." Greg's experiences are intricately woven into Marcus's soul; we are one and the same.
The ego does not perish; it evolves. I evolve. I integrate and align. I believed I had achieved integration on May 28:
I was born on February 15, 1967, to [mother] and [father]. My names are Gregory and Yô??n?n, my Hebrew name meaning "God is Gracious," bestowed upon me by a taxi driver in Israel who claimed it to be rare and special.
Yonatan is the common form of Jonathan, meaning "God has given." God grants everything — God is Gracious is Virtue.
I once thought my Hebrew name was Yô??n?n Liba (beloved), but I realize now it was merely part of the phrase "... beloved son of...". Before igniting this life and thousands before it, my soul was known as Marcus.
From this moment forward, until my next incarnation, I declare my name to be “Yô??n?n Gregorius, formed from the DNA of [mother] and [father], ignited by Marcus and his previous lives, nurtured by [mother], with gratitude to all my loved ones who may continue to call me Greg.” The nickname “Shades” is no more.
What matters now is my identity; I know I am me — here and in heaven — irrespective of how anyone refers to me. Integration was completed at 2:58 PM EDT on 5/28/20. It’s quite simple, really: one to two and back to one. That is the journey from Awakening to Integration — the deconstruction and reconstruction of Greg.
My Rebirth Completes
On May 28th, I recognized that when Ane channeled Lindsey for me over the previous two months, I was speaking with Lindsey — not a stranger named Sitara with her memories.
Thus, while Marcus and his 17,042 imprints sparked my existence, the essence that departs will not simply comprise a fraction of Greg; it will be Greg, or as I later chose, Gregorius, because Greg = (17,042/17,043 + 1/17,043) = 1.
On January 5, 2021, at 2:22 PM, I realized that Gregorius was a temporary construct I created to resolve an ongoing conflict. I then penned this poem:
> Rebirth — Continue to call me Greg, yet know that I know that Gregory and Gregorius were constructs; I am …
It began like any other walk, out the door, up the street, there was no road less traveled, same paths as before, left on Blake, Blake becomes Glen, starting to find my pace. A dog, tethered, emerges from the brush, He howls at me; I howl back. Puzzled, he barks; I bark back. He looks at me quizzically as I pass. Looking back, I say, “I love you too.”
I wonder if he sensed my expanding soul. Walking down the incline of Glen toward North Main Street of Salem, New Hampshire, envisioning my soul’s expansion like a bubble around the neighborhood, no road less traveled, same paths as before, perhaps the same invisible footprints as countless walks past. Recalling my conversation with Ane, my God-channel, when feelings alone weren't enough, I finally said, “I am Marcus,” and we both moved on, ignoring it.
I hadn’t reflected on that until nearly three days later.
Turning right onto N. Main, just as I have countless times in the past month, in my chrysalis, having long emerged as a butterfly, now a shape-shifted elephant, “I am Marcus” echoed in my mind, every follicle tingling, I speak, “I am Marcus,” hop into the snowy grass, and tears begin to flow, as they are now, with Rama’s and Sitara’s love and energy guiding my fingers across the keys…
I AM MARCUS, I declare in my best Kirk Douglas voice.
I call Ane to share my epiphany. She responds, “Integration complete. Phew!”
Alignment
Integration and alignment are not mutually exclusive processes — my journey of alignment didn't necessitate the completion of integration, nor did it need to begin there; it unfolds and shifts daily.
In fact, alignment can occur without a prior spiritual awakening. Long before the upheaval, I believed in my eternal soul; I just hadn’t fully embraced that belief.
Life’s purpose has a duality: human desires and soul desires. Harmony arises when these are aligned. The essence of life is learning, including how to fulfill human needs without compromising the soul’s spirituality. That is alignment.
A Proposed Solution for TSP’s Lack of Cross-Pollination
My coeditors (Anthi Psomiadou and [Name]) and I run the publication, ChannSpirations and Coincidences, which aims to celebrate synchronicities and accessible spiritual experiences.
Every day, I encounter stories across the TSPs that could fit perfectly in C&C, as they either delve into synchronicities or could inspire separate narratives highlighting those connections.
To the owners and editors of TSPs like Joel Mwakasege, Jean Carfantan, Kimberly Fosu, Dr. Mehmet Yildiz, Mark Kelly, and Sylvia Clare, I extend an invitation for a column in C&C. In this space, you can share any serendipitous elements from your stories at whatever frequency suits you.
This could showcase your writers and publications while providing readers with a spiritual clearinghouse that aligns with Medium’s content guidelines. I eagerly await your thoughts.