Hell, Layer 1: Crossing the Fiery Threshold

The ultimate act of confronting darkness is the act of forgiveness.

Do you envision my life as effortless, filled with magic and joy? The truth is far from that; it has often been a battleground of despair, turmoil, and profound sorrow. Feelings of isolation, fear, and hopelessness engulfed me, leading to a profound sense of anguish.

From the age of four until fifteen, I endured abuse—physical, mental, emotional, and sexual. This left me questioning my worth and shattered my ability to trust. The innocent clarity of childhood was replaced by a bewildering gray that no child should ever know. I felt robbed of my youth, repeatedly.

It wasn’t until I turned eighteen that I found the courage to share my experiences with my girlfriend, who later became my wife. Unbeknownst to me, I had been a victim of abuse; it was she who made me realize it. My instincts told me to reach out to my mother, leading to a painful exchange filled with silence for a decade. That silence became a torment I know all too well.

Hell, Layer 2: Deeper Darkness Invokes Greater Pain

Ten years passed without any communication from my family. My mother watched my college graduation from a distance, with no letters, texts, or calls exchanged. I believed I had the right to impose this silence as a form of punishment, even though none of my family members were at fault. This disconnect deeply impacted my spiritual journey, leaving me questioning my beliefs and the existence of a higher power.

I spent those years focused on my education, eventually attending Creighton University. I fell in love with philosophy and immersed myself in writing, seeking answers to the countless questions that plagued me. I married my high school sweetheart, but as time passed, we drifted apart. We took each other for granted and, in the end, our marriage fell apart, leading to a new abyss of despair.

Hell, Layer 3: Even Hell Has a Path

Broke, divorced, and unemployed, I found myself living out of my car in a pay-by-the-week hotel. My surroundings were grim, and I was forced to confront my situation daily. I lived a stark existence, rationing food and relying on meager savings. I persevered, but the struggle was relentless.

Eventually, I secured a job but continued to face hardships. Despite working two jobs, I found myself continually sinking deeper into debt and despair. My attempts to keep afloat were futile, leading to a point of desperation where I had to ask my mother for help with my beloved dogs.

Hell, Layer 4: The Illusion of Stability

For a time, things seemed to improve—I had two jobs and my own apartment. However, the irony was palpable; as I worked more, I saw my family less. I neglected my dogs and found myself back in a cycle of struggle. When my first job cut hours, I quickly fell behind again, leading to a painful moment of realization that I had lost control once more.

As I faced mounting challenges, I was involved in a car accident that left me without transportation. The weight of my student loans loomed over me, and I was left scrambling for solutions.

Hell, Layer 5: Picking Up the Pieces

At this juncture, my life felt utterly chaotic. I was on a path of self-discovery, trying to make sense of the turmoil. I had to vacate my apartment due to financial strain, and during this tumultuous period, I encountered holistic health practices that began to change my perspective.

A pivotal moment occurred when I had a profound meditation experience, leading me to a spiritual healer. This journey unearthed the darkness within me, allowing me to confront it in a way I had never been able to before.

Hell, Layer 6: The Emergence of Light

As I moved forward, I began to see my life through a new lens. The experiences I had endured took on a different meaning, revealing that I was never truly alone. A newfound understanding emerged, showing me that a guiding force had been with me all along. I entered Iowa with little but carried a wealth of newfound hope.

Hell, Layer 7: Clearing the Cobwebs for Enlightenment

Reflecting on my journey, I realized the importance of revisiting my past. By reliving those moments, I could see how I had transformed and how my choices had evolved. It was a cathartic experience that brought clarity.

As I began to rebuild my life, I understood the significance of hard work and accountability. Achieving personal enlightenment requires continuous effort, and I learned that neglecting the necessary work can lead to setbacks.

Throughout this journey, I discovered the essential truth: we often possess more than we realize. In times of struggle, when everything seems stripped away, what remains is simply you. This realization is the foundation of all relationships and connections we forge.

I have walked through my personal hell repeatedly, learning invaluable lessons along the way. I embrace this path not only for my growth but also to support others who walk similar journeys. It’s a shared experience, a reminder that no one needs to face their demons alone.

Thank you for allowing me to share my story. It is through this exchange that healing takes place.

Now, forgive the pain of the past. Create space for new experiences to flourish. Within the darkness, countless miracles and moments of magic await discovery. The presence of angels, both seen and unseen, continues to guide us through.

Love. — agod