Chapter 1: The Internal Battle

In this moment, I find myself feeling financially strained and emotionally overwhelmed. This isn't a reflection of a distant memory; it’s my reality right now.

Pursuing a career as a freelance writer is incredibly significant to me, yet it often leads to anxiety. The more I write and submit my work, the more each piece feels crucial. In previous jobs, I lacked passion; my focus was solely on earning a paycheck, making it easy to become disheartened. I would obsess over minor errors, which only spiraled into further mistakes. The office environment was a source of stress, especially in interactions with colleagues. I was pursuing goals that didn’t resonate with me.

Now, however, I am chasing my true aspirations. I’ve minimized my stressors—submissions are now just emails or messages, eliminating the need for face-to-face interactions. I find myself at my kitchen table, collaborating with editors and engaging with online communities. All that’s left for me to do is write.

This is what I’ve always yearned for in my career. My passion is fully invested in my work. When I reach a state of flow, I experience a profound sense of tranquility. My instincts align with my actions, and an adrenaline rush propels me to push through my tasks. However, once I delve into the editing process, anxiety creeps back in, and I feel overwhelmed.

I’m not seeking your validation through likes or comments. I possess the necessary skills and commitment, and I recognize that my current circumstances are solely my responsibility. Yet, I still struggle to lift myself from this challenging situation.

What I do genuinely matters now. My work has the potential to influence both you and me, and it contributes to our shared environment. I aspired to make a difference, but now that I have the opportunity, it feels almost too much to bear.

Where does the value lie for you? You may very well see me as a cautionary tale. As social beings, we naturally look to others and often find ourselves comparing our journeys. Embrace this tendency if it aids you in your path. I am on my journey, too.

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Chapter 2: Finding Inspiration

As I navigate this path, I find solace in music that resonates with my journey.

The first video, "Giveon - Like I Want You," encapsulates the emotional depth of longing and desire, much like my own struggles as a writer.

In this context, I also turn to other artists for motivation.

Grace VanderWaal's "I Don't Like You" offers a perspective on authenticity and self-acceptance, themes that resonate deeply with my current experience.