Embracing 79: The Duality of Aging and Mindfulness
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Chapter 1: The Reality of Aging
Reaching the age of 79 can feel like a mix of joy and struggle. It’s a reality check—one that reminds us that life is finite and mortality is unavoidable.
As a younger person, I viewed old age as a distant concept. At 30, death was merely theoretical; I didn’t feel the need to dwell on it. The thought of aging was daunting, often overshadowed by the desire to enjoy life without the weight of existential worries.
Aging presents a unique challenge: reconciling the awareness of impending mortality with the wish to enjoy a fulfilling and vibrant later life. This balance is achievable, and I’ve witnessed it firsthand through my neighbor, Kent, who is 90 years old. His optimistic outlook and lack of fear serve as daily lessons in living fully despite the inevitable decline of our physical bodies.
How can I adopt Kent’s mindset and resist letting my aging body lead me into despair? Kent would certainly agree with Bette Davis's sentiment that "Old age is not for sissies."
Old age can be both challenging and rewarding. For me, it is a period ripe for inner development, wisdom, and tranquility. My mind can remain untouched by the physical limitations of my body. During meditation, I find peace and clarity, accessing a mindset that feels timeless and free from pain.
However, the signs of aging become apparent when I engage in physical activities—climbing stairs, hiking uphill, driving at night, or even bowling. These reminders of my age are often harsh, revealing the reality of my situation. An unexpected illness or injury could easily transform my mental state into one of despair.
A few months ago, I attempted bowling with my grandchildren for the first time in over 30 years. While I once had a decent bowling technique, this experience was different. My body felt foreign and uncoordinated, as if it belonged to someone else. I managed to score a few strikes and enjoyed the outing, but I couldn't shake the feeling of being out of place.
Heaven and Hell: A Matter of Perspective
There exists an ongoing internal conflict between my vibrant inner self and my frail 79-year-old body. The challenge lies in preventing my mind from succumbing to fear, anxiety, and bitterness as my body declines.
Aging requires a delicate balance. As the body weakens, an untrained mind can spiral into negativity, racing toward despair without a guiding hand. This can create overwhelming thoughts that feel inescapable. Yet, there is a path forward.
"Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional."
While we cannot halt the effects of aging, we can choose how we respond to them. Meditation offers a way to reshape our reactions. If we cultivate mindfulness early on, we can better distinguish between our thoughts and the reality of our situation.
Through mindfulness, we can recognize our pain without allowing it to dominate our thoughts. Accepting discomfort can lessen its hold over us.
As Haruki Murakami stated, "Pain is unavoidable, but suffering is optional." He explains that while physical discomfort may be real, the mental struggle with it is a choice.
"I can't take this anymore" is merely a thought, not an absolute truth. If our minds are racing, it’s difficult to practice mindfulness. But shifting our focus to the present moment reveals a different reality, often far less daunting than we imagined.
I anchor myself in the present through daily meditation, but there are various methods to achieve mindfulness. Consider tending to a garden, enjoying solitary walks, engaging in artistic endeavors, or helping those in need. By directing our attention outward, we can alleviate personal worries.
To find contentment in old age, we must quiet our minds and appreciate life’s everyday miracles: the sunrise, the aroma of coffee, the smiles of loved ones, the vibrant flowers in our gardens, and the sheer fortune of reaching our 70s, 80s, or 90s. Gratitude for these experiences can pave the way for a positive outlook on the years ahead.
Chapter 2: Exploring Life's Big Questions
In this stage of life, we have the luxury to ponder profound questions that science and technology cannot answer. Only we can seek the answers to:
- Where did I come from?
- Who am I?
- Why am I here?
- How should I live?
- Where am I going?
We can delve into these inquiries through meditation, reading, exploration, and spiritual practices. In our later years, we can truly investigate "What is the purpose of my life? What should I accomplish with the time I have left?"
The hidden gift of aging is the chance to quiet our minds and experience life in ways we never thought possible. I genuinely believe that old age need not signify a decline; rather, it can be a flourishing of consciousness and a journey into the mysteries of existence and mortality.
Gary
April 2024
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