You Can Achieve It; It’s Simply Not Your Main Focus
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Chapter 1: Understanding Our Choices
We often become bound by the words we express. When you declare “I can’t,” you relinquish your sense of control. These phrases are heard frequently throughout the day.
For instance, a friend might sheepishly say, “I can't join; I'm going to dinner with someone else.” A parent may insist they “have too much work to handle” and cannot play Hide and Seek with their eager child.
When you claim you can’t do something, you effectively eliminate any expectations that you might reconsider. This creates an illusion of having no influence over the situation. However, in most cases, the tasks presented to us are indeed possible to accomplish. The friend could opt to meet you instead; they are just making a different choice. The parent has the option to either finish their work or engage with their child. They might choose to focus on work due to time constraints, financial needs, or simply a preference for productivity over playtime.
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Section 1.1: The Impact of Language
In truth, when someone says “I can’t,” what they usually mean is that fulfilling that request isn't their priority. I first encountered this idea while reading The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. In the first habit, Covey emphasizes the importance of being proactive. He discusses the difference between reactive and proactive language, suggesting we replace “I can’t” with “I choose.”
This concept resonated with me. When I assert that I can’t do something, I often do have a choice in the matter. However, I grappled with the guilt of acknowledging that I might not have pursued something due to its lack of importance to me. This notion that language can influence our motivations led me to reflect on the decisions I’ve made throughout my life.
Subsection 1.1.1: Reflecting on Our Priorities
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What have I mentally or verbally labeled as “not possible” or “too difficult”? Have I been using these phrases as a way to soothe my conscience regarding my choices? Is it possible that I told myself I had little control over my life, using that as an excuse for not prioritizing my well-being or relationships?
Admitting that we often neglect what truly matters to us can be challenging. As I write this at nearly 2 AM, I could simply say, “I can’t sleep until I finish this article,” or I could acknowledge the truth: “I am choosing to write this piece instead of prioritizing my health.” The former provides comfort, allowing me to evade responsibility, while the latter empowers me with honesty. It’s rare that we openly declare our true motivations.
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Section 1.2: The Power of Honesty
Perhaps being honest about our motivations is essential for realizing that our priorities do not align with our true values. The first step toward change is acknowledgment, and you cannot address your weaknesses if they are shrouded in untruths.
If I find myself arriving late to an event, I will refrain from saying, “I was caught in traffic.” Instead, I will admit, “I was late because I prioritized sleeping in and mindlessly scrolling through my phone over being on time.” While this might not be appropriate in all contexts, forcing myself to confront the truth about my priorities could deter me from being tardy in the future.
Chapter 2: The Choice of Language
This video discusses the importance of prioritizing yourself in relationships. It emphasizes that if you feel sidelined, it’s crucial to take action.
In this video, the bittersweet truth of being a low priority in someone's life is explored, urging viewers to reflect on their own relationships and choices.
Do you frequently say “I can’t”? Or do you take a more proactive stance by stating “I choose”? I would appreciate your thoughts—please share in the comments!